Hard to bite my tongue and glad I did

I know this is not the beginning of my journey of becoming a mom of a child with Down Syndrome, but I think if I start small, I'll eventually get it all out.  My goal is to blog the amazing moments in my life that happen because of having a child with a difference, to treasure the times I got to slow down, or go a different path because of DS.  But I also want to reflect on the not so amazing hard times. The times that bring me to tears and break my heart.  The times that humble me to my knees.  And if my writing can help even in the slightest way another parent of a child with DS or to create empathy and caring toward families with DS it would be amazing.  I only hope I can remember so many moments from the last 8 years, because until I read the book Bloom by Kelly Hampton, I wasn't ready to do this.  Thank you Kelly for helping me to see how important it is to get down our stories in writing to share with others.  Your story forever changed me.

Last night was my son's baseball game in another town and of course there is a playground equipment set just far enough from the game that if Lanie goes to the playground my husband or I need to go too and can't see the baseball game.  We do this.  I do it, because its not fair to my daughter that she has Down Syndrome and therefore might wander, get lost, and just doesn't have that come-back-to-find-mom instinct.  Part of that instinct might be just her personality and independence don't get me wrong, but I'm sure part of it is because of her syndrome.  I also want her to be as social as possible.  I truly believe that relationships with others is what is going to make her happiest in life and want to foster this as much as possible.  So Lanie takes off toward the playground from the bleechers again and I follow behind leaving my husband to cheer on Carter.  I try to stay back far enough to give Lanie some space so she can even half-way feel like a regular 8-year-old when I hear words that cut like a knife.  I hear Lanie yelling, "Hey guys wait for me!" to the couple of girls running ahead of her, and then one turns around to look at Lanie and says, "Go find your Mommy."  Lanie stopped.  I could tell she was processing this and was not sure what to do.  But thank goodness she began running again and either didn't understand or didn't care.    Now I know that kids will be kids and this little girl could have said that to ANY other child, not just my baby girl with DS, but I tell ya'....it hurt.  I didn't say anything, and tried really hard to get the snarl off my face as I walked past the girls to get to my daughter who had found another place to play away from them.  I helped Lanie climb the bars and swing on the swing (both she can't do independently yet because of her low muscle tone) and eventually convinced her to come back to sit with her Daddy to watch her brother's game.

You'll never believe what happened later.  This same little girl, with some prompting from her mom, went with Lanie back to the playground.  She lifted Lanie onto the swing, she high-fived her as they ran, and had some genuine-kind word exchanges.  It was a very heart-felt thing to see.

I truly believe children are amazing creatures.  They don't see differences, they see kids.  They respond how they've seen adults respond and so as an adult it is our job to make sure we are positive and uplifting to each other so that we model kindness always.